Will I Ever Be Heard?

Its only a few hours away before we pack up for the next adventurous trip home to see my family, and another tie is bound within my heart strings that I can't seem to cut free. Have you ever been there? Being over three hours away from my roots I have learned to begin planting my own over here in a foreign state to my loved ones in hopes to "venture out" to some extent. However my efforts to leave the roots that have the mold of pain still seem to attach themselves to me. My mother and I have always had our differences and later in life, have had our good bonding times. I love my mother, deeply and sometimes frivalously after being told of the misery I still cause her so far away. In my growth, I have matured and become someone totally different than the picture she still holds of me as a misguided youth. I listen, I try to empathize with her ailments, however when I speak words of truth, the daggers begin to fly. I am not always innocent, my human side that still holds on to the vision of my youth flash back at her when I have no words to say; but I am confident that I love my mother and am only trying to help ease her frustrations in life. With a dial-tone left in my ear of the last conversation we had, we are hours away from being in reaching distance and she hasn't even mentioned my name to the others. Will I ever be heard? Will I ever be seen as the man before her now and not the youth that once was? To this, I give my recent poem that has some of the feelings of this wrapped inside of it.....who ever reads this I pray that if you are going through something similar that God will heal your pain and bring about maturity in your walk to minister to them. May my words hopefully help you know how important you are to God and how strong you are to Him and frail to this world's grip!

In Christ's Love,
Chad

Frail
I am a decoration of sorts, a mere addition to a beauty called to shade sin’s burn of life.
Strong at its roots, the branches of free-will blow where they may causing the riff of unbalance.
The force of an up and down life weakens the hold of the norm of life, breaking the foundation.
I am free floating, my support base fading away….alone in this sky of the world, I am frail.

What seemed so smooth, the break of discipline now tumbles mercilessly in a whirlwind of confusion; no focus
in sight, the dizziness of the moment vomits the left-over consciousness out.
The wind now dies no more guidance but lies, what happened to my family ties?
My eyes are closed, I see now nothing….as I begin to fall I am ripe for the hunting.
My choices have left me insecure, my blindness unaware; my hell is close, this fire I can tell….my God I am so frail.

Withered not dead, I’m gently faced down, crumbling all-around I ponder where went that gentle sound?
The songs of the birds of praise, the security of my foundational days; the grace that helped me know I’ll be okay?
Alone now I wait for whatever is my fate….for this world has taken its toll.
The nourishment I need is staring at me, yet I chose not to drink to grow my seeds.
From beautiful to dirty my life seems to stay, will my skin be cleansed, and these visions go away?
To be on the tree of life again, oh how I could be! Yet here I lie crushed by the feet of the world’s sexuality.
I am frail….weak and torn….I am frail Lord…..save me from this scorn….I am frail Lord I don’t want to drive another nail…..

Journey Updated....

Well....here I sit in the class room I will be apart of for the next year about 1/2 hour from its beginning time. Sitting here in the Seminary again for the first time in seven years, I think about the meaning of this journey. Since I'm here to get a degree in ministry....where do I feel I desire ministry to begin when my chapter ends? Thus far, I am unsure of this....but I AM SURE that God will reveal it to me when it is time. So pray for that..... :)

We are back in the swing of a new year, Amber at school with Janelle and Angel back on her schedule in daycare....we just traded our Pontiac Montana in for a newer vehicle to better get us from point A to poin B without brake mishap. :) We purchased a 2007 Chrysler Pacifica.... :) Security is back where it belongs!

The apartments are still thriving as only they can.....more leaks I'm afraid that will be dealt with due to the rains....but I know God will shelter them as he has me. Pray for continual guidance in our lives and for God to shape His will in our endeavors hence forth. I pray this blog find you all well.....

Seminary Bound.....AGAIN! :)

Well after 7 years of being lost and unsure where my path may lead me, God has re-opened the door for me to finish my Masters at Lincoln Christian Seminary. The frustration of how it all ended in 2001 left a bitter taste in my mouth of whether the school was what I wanted ultimately....but then growth, maturity and a desire to close a chapter or open a new one I needed. So....be in prayer, I have only 9 credit hours to do to complete my Masters of Arts....however, my focus is different now. I will have a Masters of Arts in Ministry with Special Emphasis on Pastoral Counseling....instead of my MA in Counseling as before.....

More Bible and more opportunity to spread my wings in more areas than counseling for future ministry opportunities! Pray for my strength to reshape my mind and to allow God to make me the man he wants me to be!

Are you ready?

Its been awhile since I last wrote and it seems like so much has happened. Nothing tragic to us mind you, but my heart has gone out to all those who have suffered such Armageddon-like events in the last two months....from earthquakes to volcano eruptions, it seems more and more like Christ is prepping us for his second coming. I wrote this poem in hopes to share that emotion I felt while witnessing these past events and to try and encourage hope for tomorrow....for us all.



Signs of the Times

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times....or so they are told.
Rhythms and rhymes, they mark the chimes of the music that express our reasons to mold.
To stand out and rise above for this is how we get our love; our blissful script of egotistical.
The surface can mock this figment of a whimsical wish as many hearts stay trapped within this deep sinful lisp.

The unforeseen now pulsates reality’s blood as it is spilled across our unexpected tragic loss.
Debris destroys what was once sturdy, unevening the lives between those alive and hurting.
This puzzle that lies beneath their feet symbolizes their securities shredded unable to piece.
The signs that shock and incapable to read leaves us wondering are these the times that won’t leave us be?

Reports and news flash one after another; do we choose these acts or are they sins that smother?
The story was written with an end already concluded; can we save at all what’s already polluted?
Young ones shot, divorce rate high, is this how our spirit shall die? Cancer engulfing, no money to buy....the simple things we need to survive. Is this the recipe for the signs of the times?

Many have dreamt about, many have spoke about, many have wrote about.... sin’s final route.
Will I be a catalyst for the flipping of the switch? The spilling of negativity that will spawn Armageddon’s impulsivity? Will we cause the fight that will make us believers take flight?
No answers have been given, no predictions made truths; we will only know the how, the when will come only after the “then”....

Today I witnessed the flood that submerged a town of few, “then” hail the storms that brew.
Today I saw a mother and son punch, yell and fight, “then” the sky split apart to the light.
Today I heard I was going to be cut with a knife, placed in the morgue out of someone’s spite.
Today could be the “then” that could be life’s final written chapter due to an action done by me.

What are your signs of the times? Is it a birth or a death? Is it a hesitant pause or a still breath?
How will you live your last days untold? Will you worry the days to old? Or will you cherish that which you can hold? The signs are warnings to this we know, will HE tell you when its time to go? Or will you be the one looking up left alone?

Chad E. Taylor 5/31/08

Trying to Understand the MisUnderstandable....

Trying to figure out life can be tough. Over my 32 years of life I have seemingly experienced alot. I wrote this poem the other day with a vision in mind of how the sinner in us tries to figure out the "whys" in our lives. I hope my vision on paper can bless you who read it.

The Purpose of “Why:”
A Tale of Mending


To close your eyes & relax the mind the thought of “why” is a motion somewhat sublime.
For the pinpointing moment of when the muscles are calm you are left with no words or psalms; the dessert of emotions blow recklessly, as you stare at the qualms.

No sifting of actions will leave the answer you seek; locating the purpose for “why” lies unforeseen and bleak.


One foot from the other you pace the dark, blinking your eyes holds no change or distinct mark; what’s said was said, no ears are blocked, another heart left with chains & lock.
The impulsivity of desires are deemed positive to one yet incarcerated in a rejective society.
Is there no bond to the “why” that’s scripted? Or shall all actions stay broken and unmended?

The “whys” they lie beneath the hidden shades of “whos” and “hows” awaiting to pounce the now; leaving a ever wondering cycle of confusion that leaves the spirit numb.
The pulsing of life that runs through your veins, now dead to the convincing of your defeated mind; a self-fulfilling prophecy that none can avoid nor try to explain.
What is the purpose of these “whys”? What gives them power within our lives?

It was at the end of this stick of dynamite that the scales were blown to a clarity of sight.
A cross that shadowed a distance reached out and touched my ever dyer existence.
Feeling the drops fall down upon me; the drops of a lamb’s sacrificial demoralizing.
Did you know the “whos” or the “whats”? That made you accept the fate given from Pilot?

These mere stumbles that we call tragedies can never compare to the thorns driven from Calvary; my name written upon your olive back erase the scars I bare in this world of lack.
The path that seemed so dark and lost now comes across as a walk with no real cost.
The purpose of “why” is not for me to decide, nor is it a fate to fear and hide.

From the “why” of then to the “why” of now I kneel down and bring a bow.
Submittance of par is the average to start, with a goal to mend shows this sinner as smart.
You’ve covered my thoughts, my fears, my sight with the answers deemed merciful after you risen that night.
The purpose of “why” can now veer to a shy, for man’s need to seed the thought has shriveled and died; covered by blood no one can deny, for each day that I walk defines my purpose of “why”.

Chad E. Taylor 3/12/08

Do you know this Child of God?

Identity Theft

Dark and cold, my eyes open to the same; unfamiliar to where I am.
Exhaling my air I realize in the mist of the dust I’m kissing the dirt’s crust.
Beaten and bruised I call to you, the you to whom I am unaware....alone.
Sitting up I am still blind, to feel my face is a clean slate; my identity was left behind.

For years a name labeled the “who” or even the “what,” yet an unbeknown the “why” hasn’t been caught; the “runaway” that has been the allude.
The strived for seems to run its coarse in the maze of the unfounded, the life you wish you had, yet the reality that which you try to focus through.
What is your picture? What is your movie? Has your identity left also through the butt of a “doobie”?

Your purpose to breathe is to forward a life, yet with each inhale you feel the bumps of brail; fingering around yet another unknown translation.
Your mind desires to speak, yet your words are gibberish; you are a mute.
The heart paints the vision of the masterpiece you wish to be; all of your colors though run like the stream, the identity of all your dreams.

Crying can shed no more tears due to their own evaporating of these unknown fears; emotions are kept dormant like reality’s understanding.
Unplanned failures mimic unexplained behaviors each baring weight upon the shoulders dropping a spirit to the depths of this dark prison again.
The cycle, to which continues, victimizes my being since I first knew you.

You....the one I think to know, yet still fades to memory when a need is in a rut; to the loved ones they see the “me” I truly need to dig out and be.
Sifting the negative, the lowly, the confused and the slow; what seeds would be left to let the Son groom and grow?
To be planted in the field of purpose with each day to sow; my frailness needs to understand and come to know....know the “who” and the “why” this life bestows.


Exhaustion has cost my senses to see, frustration continues consuming me.
Let the paint dry, the masterpiece defined! Then a heart could embrace the “who am I”?
Knelt down you are back where you came, still pondering the whom to blame; lying in the fetal, the picture is left...why am I the victim of this identity theft?

Chad E. Taylor 2/29/08

Angels Among Me.....

Never in my life have I been aware of the Lord's Angels among us as I was last night around 1a.m. I was coming home from overseeing my apartments "late-night" activities and was traveling home to be with my wife and daughter and then, the light turned green.....I continued to travel on as normal and out of the corner of my eye I saw a unforseen light....crashing into me. I spun around and around 3 times and came to a halt along side the road laying on my back. Immediately lights came on outside my car and a policeman was coming up to the intersection at that exact moment and saw the whole incident, saw if I was okay (thankfully I was) and I proceeded to experience shock.

About 3 minutes later another policeman approached me in the car asking me if I wanted to warm up in his squad car because it was about 25 degrees out. I come to find out later that he was my insurance agent's husband and immediately told his wife the next morning about my needs. I was lucky, and with the soreness lingering in my body even as I type this to you...I know there are angels among us.....I met a few that scary night where my life laid in their hands.....and now, safely home with my family. I don't know what I would have done with out them. Believe! Believe that God loves you enough to watch over you always. Thank you Lord, for saving my life so that I may share more of your proof-positive love to others.

A New Year, A New Path to Walk....

Wow, its been quite awhile! I apologize that I haven't written in awhile....many new experiences have been moving like the midwest wind this past 4 months. A new year!! A new path.....have you ever wondered just why you are on the path you are right at this moment? Why you woke up this morning with the thoughts that floated in your mind or the TV station you turned to have a story that captivated your attention at that very moment?

We are given a new year every 365 days and right now we only have 354 days left! What am I going to to with this time??? What adventures will I chose to venture that will enscript my life for all eternity this 2008? For those of you who read and for those of you who care about what is read....take a deep breath.....exhale it out SLOWLY and with each pulsating moment you notice as you do....you'll make the most out of the 354 days you have left. Hmmm....wonder why?? You just began the new path of your days this 2008 with....CONTROL! Let yourself enjoy this year with your family, friends and even your pets! If this may be your last year of life....make the Lord proud you made the most of it with what He gave you and breathe.....as you see your horizon bless you with its coming beauty.

God bless you this 2008.